Help, please.
Last night, after a long day toiling down in the surf journalism mines, the family and I went out for dinner at a humble local establishment. I was hungry from an honest day’s work covering blood feuds and linguistic wars and looked forward to a break. But no rest for the weary, and as we were seated, I noticed a large table filled with handsome young men, beautiful young women and a handful of glowing parents. The boys had razor sharp wetsuit neck tans, the girls sun and saltwater kissed hair. Dads and moms both looking very surfy. Each was drinking a bubbly water and I immediately thought, “Mormons.”
Which directly led to another.
“Why aren’t there more Mormon professional surfers on tour?”
The Latter-Day lifestyle, all healthy and centered, family-based and motivated, entrepreneurial and multi-level, would seem to be the perfect environment for brewing World Surf League standouts. Mormons excel at sport, here in America, with their plucky Brigham Young University regularly besting conference powerhouses in football, baseball, basketball. The NFL, NBA, MLB all feature fine and successful Mormon athletes.
Why, then, no professional competitive surfers?
Making the conundrum even more baffling, the LDS church has colonized much of Polynesia, BYU has a campus on Oahu’s North Shore and Joe Turpel.
So, again, what’s really going wrong?
Professional competitive surfing has, long ago, left its party era where stars like Andy Irons and Eugene Fanning standard bore. Today’s best-of-best are all both straight and narrow, from the Colapinto bros to Jacob Wilcox. Even Italo Ferreira exudes Mormon-adjacent vibes. The Church of Latter-day Saints has an estimated portfolio of $100 billion dollars and, I’m sure, could create a surf academy that would dominate the Sport of Queens for years.
Why doesn’t it?
Help, please.
