“Who doesn’t want to see the People’s Republic smash Yankee dreams?”
An unsurfable day for most of it by WCT standards, I think it’s fair to say.
Windy, intensely lully, very few barrels to begin.
But then, a wave or two that looked like it had been sent from a different day entirely.
Barton Lynch and Shannon Hughes employed their highest pitch and caffeinated cadence, with a liberal sprinkling of WOWs, to elevate the mood of the lulls.
It began with the hero of not just China’s Olympic squad, but the entire Olympics, Siqi Yang.
The diminutive fifteen year old from landlocked China attacked Teahupo’o’s unbarelling but still critical four-foot walls with a backhand that belongs at the highest level of women’s surfing, and certainly leagues ahead of two-time world champion, Tyler Wright.
Queue up the wildcards, WSL.
Yang Siqi will meet Marks Caroline in round three. (Thanks to Cote Chris for clarification of the Olympic house-style commentary by using surnames first.) A tough draw, for sure, but who doesn’t want to see the People’s Republic smash Yankee dreams?
In a line-up of sixteen women for round two, yet only three WCT surfers, it seemed somewhat unjust that two of them met in the fourth heat, Picklum Molly and Defay Johanne.
Once again the Irukandjis were not so much deadly in the water as dead, as Picklum lost out to Defay.
Meat trays flooded with tears and spittle, green and gold sagged, pints of VB evaporated into domestic violence.
It was for no lack of commitment on Picklum’s part as she threw herself into several non-makes, including surfing one wave all the way to achilles deep water and having to scramble, starfish-like, as Lynch noted, off the coral reef.
But Defay’s 7.83 for a rare, clean backside barrel was the decisive blow and the best wave of the day in women’s competition by eye and number.
French territory draws French territory in the next round as Defay matches up with Fierro.
In the men’s competition it took a full twenty-five minutes and a restart before O’Leary Connor struck the first blow against Germany’s Elter Tim.
Elter Tim was committed and looks like he has the potential to be a good backhand barrel technician, but O’Leary notched a pair of mid-sevens in quick succession at windy Teahupo’o, and this was enough.
I must confess, reader, to losing faith in the potential of Teahupo’o to keep me conscious through the wee small hours at this point in proceedings.
Conditions were inconsistent and slow. In response, Hughes and Lynch seemed amplified to amphetamine levels of wittering.
Due diligence aside, I was not compelled to re-watch the meagre victories of Smith Jordy over Waida Rio; Vaast Kauli over McGillivray Matthew; Boukhaim Ramzi over Perez Bryan, nor even Cleland Quinonez Alan over Criere Andy.
However, on evidence of the scores, I did tune in for the final two heats of the day, and this was tactically astute.
Robinson Jack and Mesinas Luca began their heat by paddling each other around the line-up trying to establish position. In doing so, they burned ten minutes of clock and missed the first couple of set waves that rolled through, waves which all of a sudden looked like prime Teahupo’o and an entirely different day than the one that began.
Robinson’s opener was seemingly conjured from whichever salty deities he often seems to be in cahoots with. A near-perfect 9.87 for a deep, clean tube was by some margin the best wave we have seen since competition began.
He backed this up quickly with a seven, and then the waves disappeared. Both men sat in a still, blue ocean as the minutes ticked away. There was no opportunity, there was nothing to be done for Mesinas. He had come face-to-face with wizardry.
I wondered what viewers not versed in the vagaries of swells and lulls (or Robinson’s watery black magic) must’ve thought of surfing as competition?
In the next heat, Toledo Filipe vs Stairmand Billy, nothing happened for ten minutes and more.
Toledo’s first wave, a 7.33 for a tube that looked like it belonged in Surf Ranch rather than Teahupo’o, was perhaps the most competent wave he’s ever ridden here.
In response, Hughes Shannon produced the most honest monologue of surf punditry in living memory. Toledo had “really struggled when it comes to waves of consequence”, she noted.
He had made a semi final here in the past, Hughes went on to say, but it was “one of the smallest years they ever held the event here. Some of the smallest waves they would hold competition in. That’s his bread and butter.”
But she didn’t stop there.
“He really struggles to throw himself over the ledge”, she stated plainly. “Out of 23 heats he’s surfed at Teahupo’o, he’s finished with less than a ten point total in twelve of those heats, which is a pretty poor record.”
But again, Hughes wasn’t done.
“Back in 2015, he had a heat with Italo Ferreira, where he lost without catching a single wave. There were surfable waves throughout that entire heat, and Italo surfed all of them.”
(Lynch, ever the positive apologist, stated in solidarity that he’d registered a zero point heat total in a masters heat.)
Irrespective of what transpired, let’s have a standing ovation for Shannon Hughes, ladies and gentlemen.
For once, it was honest and transparent surf commentary, and that’s a rare bird. Hughes did what other pundits have shied and shirked from too often, and that’s to her eternal credit.
But the confidence Toledo had gained from his opener was parlayed into his last. With just five minutes left of a slow heat, he took off on a solid-ish Teahupo’o wave, threading a deep tube for a 9.67.
It was good, yes, but compare it to Robinson Jack’s wave, if you will.
Toledo’s screaming claims were surely heard in Paris, and it was certainly the best wave he’d ever ridden here.
Is it enough for redemption? He will feel so, and you have to grant him that. Wider opinions will vary.
Pre-competition yesterday, you could get 70/1 on Filipe Toledo to win a gold medal. Today, just 20/1.
Is that a good bet? In wild and wooly conditions we might yet see, not for my money. And I throw money at more or less everything.
It’s difficult to know what to expect for the remaining competition. There will be waves, but they will likely be blown out. But there are some stellar match-ups to anticipate if a window can be found.
Look to Vaast Kauli vs Colapinto Griffin in heat three; Chianca Joao vs Boukhiam Ramzi in heat six; and the pick of the bunch, fit for a final of any competition, Florence John vs Robinson Jack in heat seven.
Pray for barrels as Filipe Toledo has prayed for this day.
