Online sleuths reveal Aussie surf Olympian to be doppelgänger of Hawk Tuah girl Hailey Welch!

Surfboard sales to grow by five billion dollars over next four years, according to new study.

There was a time, and it wasn’t real long ago, when a surfboard shaper barely made enough from a day ruining his lungs and turning his hands into claws to buy a plate lunch and cold beer. 

The low selling price of the wildly labour intensive custom surfboard, itself a surrealist creation shorn out of spectacularly unhelpful rectangular hunks of foam, meant surfboard shapers were artisans in the purist sense, building unique pieces of art for crummy piece rates. 

Then came the bombshell. 

The shift to surfboard manufacturing in low-cost labour markets in south-east Asia and the introduction of the surfboard model, similar to skateboards, snowboards etc. 

Pick a graphic, a size and throw ‘em your plastic. Don’t expect change from a thousand bucks either. 

Suddenly, surfboard building began to be profitable. 

And, now, according to a new study, sales of surfboards are gonna grow by five billion Americano shekels by 2028. 

“The increasing number of educational surfing courses is a key factor for the market driver,” the study claims. “The ISA serves as the global governing authority for bodysurfing, surfing, SUP racing and surfing, wake surfing, and other wave-riding activities. It has introduced numerous educational courses worldwide to promote the growth and development of surfing.

“Additionally, surf schools have been established along coastlines to encourage and train new surfers. These courses are designed to enhance the knowledge, abilities, and skills of surfers, adopting a scientific approach to surfing coaching.”

Which raises the important question: who will become surfing’s first billionaire shaper? 

Will it be the world’s best Matt Biolos, owner of Lost surfboards and regular star in these pages and whose opinion I regard fondly? 

Britt Merrick, high-school LSD dealer turned sin-chasing preacher and part-owner of the biz his daddy Al created? 

The great Darren Handley, at one time regarded universally as the most handsome surfboard shaper in the world, now, the go-to for world champions? 

Let’s recall his beauty: 

He is clothed in a denim shirt open to the bottom of the frame with arms placed on opposite shoulders. His skin is lightly tanned and the face is dominated by an aggressive nose and a cuspidated chin. But it’s his hair, rightly, that seizes the attention. It is a blond waterfall that cascades arrogantly over one side of the head, its immense opulence beyond dispute.

Phew! 

If there was any justice in the world, of course, the money would pour in for the cruelly overlooking genius creator of Gabriel’s boards, the virtuoso artist Johnny Cabianca.

Not real sure about the study, however. It talks about the rise of the electric surfboard and portable kayak as big profit drivers.

Don’t hurt to dream.