“You would never think in your right mind to build
a wave pool in Waco!”
Tears are flowing freely, this morning, in the
San Joaquin Valley after the most famous manmade wave in the entire
United States of America Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch located on the
outskirts of Lemoore, was ranked below Waco Surf in Waco, Texas on
energy drink giant Red Bull’s highly-anticipated Top 8 Best Wave Pools for
Surfing in the US list.
While enjoyed by a panoply of ultra-celebrities ranging from
Diplo to Duke Harry Montecito to Doja Cat to Ivanka Trump and host
of multiple World Surf League Championship Tour events, Surf Ranch
still failed to best Waco and its unique history of brain-eating
amoeba.
“There’s a whole surf community in the middle of Texas,” Red
Bull’s Jamie O’Brien proudly declared, rubbing cow dung into
Lemoore’s open wound. “You would never think in your right mind to
build a wave pool in Waco!”
Disney’s Typhoon Lagoon came in third, threatening to overtake
“The Plow” with its $1,300 for 100 waves pricing.
Great Wolf Lodge came fourth thanks to its “Wolf Rider Wipeout
Indoor Surf Simulator,” Revel Surf in Mesa, Arizona nabbed fifth,
two different FlowRiders, one in Sandusky, Ohio, the other in Erie,
Pennsylvania were awarded sixth and seventh.
Skudin Surf, the world’s largest indoor tub, closed out the
rankings at eighth.
Back up to Surf Ranch losing out to Waco Surf, though, do you
imagine there is shock and sadness in World Surf League offices?
The “Global Home of Surfing,” which purchased Kelly Slater Wave Co.
from the 11x champion, has long declared that its technology is the
most superior in the world. I’d imagine sheiks in the Emirates will
feel they were sold a bill of goods what with their new Kelly
Slater Surf Ranch Abu Dhabi just opened. A possible coup in an
already volatile region.
The surf tank wars becoming all too real.
More as the story develops.
