Surf fans relight candles en masse for prophesied Kelly Slater + Gisele Bündchen reunion after Brazilian supermodel publicly vomits on trust fund billionaire Jeffery Soffer!

Power corrupts.

The World Surf League, man. What an increasingly silly organization. On the surface, Colgate smiles have never been brighter. Twin chiefs Erik Logan and Jessi Miley-Dyer have gone on an absolute positivity spree, attending any and every business conference, social media-ing like tweens, even giving lengthy interviews to collaborationist surf media.

Viewership numbers through the roof, 51,000 Portuguese surf fans pushing to see contests live on the sand, partnerships stronger than ever.

THE MOMENTUM IS REAL.

Rising tide floating all boats. Surfing finally saved from itself via Dirk Ziff by way of Oklahoma.

Except.

Underneath that shiny facade, rumors are percolating of an absolutely vicious, authoritarian chief structure heavily boozed on power.

Here’s one.

You certainly recall when the dashing Italianate surfer Leonardo Fioravanti barely survived his elimination heat at the Pro Pipeline (or maybe it was the round of 32 heat at the Pro Sunset Beach) and lightly called out the WSL’s much ballyhooed partnership with Apple Watches. The Cupertino-based tech giant provided the devices for surfers to be aware of heat times and priority.

There have been major malfunctions and each stop but this first (or second) one had the aforementioned Fioravanti in his post heat interview saying, “And, I just want to say our fricken watches weren’t working and that’s pretty heavy, like my watch wasn’t working. Nothing to take away from Apple or the WSL, what they’re doing is great, they’re trying to bring in some technology to our world, but if my watch doesn’t work from start to finish and I gotta ask for time. I’ve been used to having the time on me at all times in heats, we’re fighting for our careers. So, I hope they figure it out ‘cause my watch didn’t work from start to finish. And that’s pretty heavy.”

A simple statement of fact with much praise for both Apple and the WSL sandwiched in.

Well, for that bit of candor, the House of Gucci pin-up was allegedly, and from a pristine source, slammed with a whopping $60,000 fine.

$60,000 for talking honest.

But what does that make you think about the “product?” Happy days, and legitimacy, finally here or an utter train wreck of plastic ego?

I’m certain it’s the ladder.

(Get it?)

David Lee Scales did not quite get to the alleged fine, during our weekly chat, but I did call Kelly Slater a “dumbass” multiple times. I stand by it.

Listen here.

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