Surf great Kelly Slater appears to be Bill Murray’s only remaining friend after Vanity Fair publishes exhaustive list of all those who have beef with iconic comedian!

Wedding candles!

Surf fans could not believe this turn of events, this radical shift. Weeks ago, they were sitting by their windows, lighting candles as it was revealed that Gisele Bündchen and her husband Tom Brady were having a rocky go. Oh, there was no implied sadism, no hope for the destruction of a grand union, but there was an even grander union to repair.

Namely with Kelly Slater.

The Brazilian supermodel and world’s greatest surfer had dated over the 2005s and 2006s, forming up the grandest power couple in surfing history. She at the height of her art. He winning two Association of Surfing Professionals World Titles.

Aspirational.

As fate had it, though, Bündchen fell into the arms of a dashing quarterback, married, built a life but, now, all that is officially in the rearview.

Per People:

Gisele Bündchen and Tom Brady will file for divorce after 13 years of marriage, PEOPLE confirms.

Sources tell PEOPLE that they will both file in Florida on Friday morning. (Update: Brady and Bündchen have since finalized their divorce, according to court documents obtained by PEOPLE.)

“The settlement is all worked out,” a source with knowledge of the situation tells PEOPLE. “They’ve been working on the terms this whole time.”

The source adds: “They agreed to joint custody of the kids.”

The couple’s split comes after months of reports that the couple had been struggling, and that Bündchen, 42, “is done with their marriage,” another source previously told PEOPLE.

“She was upset about it for a long time and it’s still difficult, but she feels like she needs to move on,” the source said in early October. “She doesn’t believe that her marriage can be repaired.”

Though what, exactly, was Bündchen upset about? Surf fans worried that it might be Brady’s refusal to retire as Slater also plans to surf, professionally, forever. But no! According to an Us Weekly source, “Gisele told Tom either he leaves football to spend time with the family or she is gone for good. She doesn’t want him to continue to get injured and not be able to enjoy life in the future. She is doing it for her family.”

And there we go.

Injury worry.

Ouchies are extremely rare in professional surfing. Slater, for example, hurt his foot a long time ago and, again, foot. Not head or anything important.

The Kid from Cocoa Beach will be fit as a fiddle for years to come and talk about having cake and eating it too.

Bolo de Rolo.

Divorce, anyhow, becoming official. The next step, for surf fans, is a sort of Parent Trap bit of intrigue.

Ideas?

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