Introducing The Carne Asada Metric.
The Pacific has gone entirely flat, in Southern
California, and has been such for months now. Not a pulse, not even
a ripple, in weeks and weeks and weeks. The obsessive-compulsive
surfer who counts a 15-ft glider in his quiver not even “out
there.” The surfer who depends on saltwater to balance mental
health throwing caution to the wind and letting that mental health
become unbalanced.
As bleak as it gets and yet, Surfline has been calling 2 – 3
fair to poor throughout much of this satanic stretch. The wave
forecasting giant making an absolute mockery of both 2 – 3 feet and
the very idea of fairness and poorness. Surfline, as you know, has
a monopoly on wave forecasting, around these parts, which leads
directly to all sorts of conflicts of interest. Which advertiser,
for instance, might need a little boost from a juiced outlook?
And it has long been thought that this situation simply is what
it is. There will never be a Surfline competitor so accepting its
prognostications, just like accepting political season promises or
the fact that Diddy called his parties “freak offs” just a way of
life.
Until now.
For just yesterday, I sat down for my weekly chat with David Lee
Scales who just so happened to be near Florida’s gulf where the
waves are slightly larger than bottom California’s. We were talking
about this and that until he mentioned Waffle House, the beloved
southern chain that serves such delicacies as Texas Melts and
biscuits + gravy. Well, David Lee informed me that alongside
breakfast yum yum, Waffle House also provides its Waffle House
Index, a guide to hurricanes and tropical storms and their
potential damage.
Per the Waffle House
website:
When a hurricane makes landfall, the head of the Federal
Emergency Management Agency relies on a couple of metrics to assess
its destructive power.
First, there is the well-known Saffir-Simpson Wind Scale.
Then there is what he calls the “Waffle House Index.”
Green means the restaurant is serving a full menu, a signal
that damage in an area is limited and the lights are on. Yellow
means a limited menu, indicating power from a generator, at best,
and low food supplies. Red means the restaurant is closed, a sign
of severe damage in the area or unsafe conditions.
Honest and true.
And while Southern California may not have Waffle House nor
tropical storm, it does have burrito joints frequented by surfers
post-surf. Now, if we were to set up iPads at each beachfront
burrito joint with three simple questions (where did you surf, what
board do you normally ride, what board did you ride today), wave
quality could be instantly and accurately determined.
The Carne Asada Metric.
Genius, no?
David Lee and I also discussed the cons of renewing wedding vows
and Griffin Colapinto. A fine show and worth a listen, here.
But before you click “play,” what is your burrito order? Are you
a California gal? Classic carne asada? Pollo asado?
Me?
Al pastor tacos. The mighty burrito just too much food.
Bon apetit.
