Vogue magazine swoons over John John Florence’s “lush, bohemian” wedding to horticulture student with wild behind-the-scenes photo spread, “Laying down on the hot beach at midday, he made me ‘look over there’ as he grabbed the ring his mother had given him as a placeholder!”

“No way I’m putting my life on the line!”

You’ll remember the great Australian influencer and philanthropist Willem “Powerfish” Ungermann from his brave attempts to smash surfing’s “entrenched homophobia and patriarchal power structures” via beach theatre and Jackass-style pranks.

Two years ago, Willem terrorised a D-Bah line-up on his bodyboard, at one point accepting a beach fight only to drop to his knees and tell his surprised fellow duellist, “I’ll suck you dry, mate.”

Between waves, he said to one surfer, “I fucked a bloke like you once”, another, “You’re lucky my dad Rex isn’t here, he’d smash your pelvis”, another, “Heard of the Bra Boys? We’re the Flatty Boys. Instead of going around bashing cunts, we fuck ’em”, another, “You know why I like surfing? When guys wear wetties and I can see their dick”, another he asks if he’s seen Ross Clarke-Jones’ cock and says, “I’ve fucking sucked it dry.”

Terrific fun and many important messages.

Now, Willem has come under fire for failing to help a surfer after the man’s legrope became entangled around the pylon of a pier. 

“Take your legroom off you idiot…moron!” he barks from behind the camera. 

Almost a minute into the affair, a swimmer jumps into the ocean and rescues the VAL.

“Fuck, lucky that guy went out,” Willem says. “I wasn’t going to get him, no way I’m putting my life on the line.” 

Commenters on the post went one of two ways. 

“Typical Aussie attitude, sit on your ass and watch.”’

“There is plenty of things you can do to help a human in distress or a life threatening situation than filming it!! Put yourself into action in any way you can help build a community quickly not content!!”

“You post all these lame excuses, after the fact of why you can’t go help, however it’s easy to see through your mouth full of crap. If you truly cared (as you are playing it off) then why are you calling him an “idiot” and a “Moron” “shouldn’t be there anyway” “that’ll teach you to surf a sunami” You are probably the VERY DEFFINITION of what is wrong with the world right now!! A HUMAN BEING WAS DROWNING RIGHT INFRONT OF YOUR EYES AND YOU DID NOTHING BUT CRITICIZE, BELITTLE AND JUDGE ALL WHILE HOLDING A PHONE TO VIDEO WHAT? THE POOR MAN DYING..GOING UNDER AND NOT COMMING BACK UP? I BET….THAT YOU WERE THINKING THE WHOLE TIME…”THIS GONNA GO VIRAL” I’M TAKING THIS VERY PERSONALLY BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE WHY SOCIETY IS AS DEGRADED AS IT IS. BTW BEFORE YOU GO REPLYING THAT YOU WERE GENUINELY CONCERNED, WHY DID YOU NOT EVER ONCE SAY “I’M SO GLAD HE OK” WHY MAN, WHY? FINAL THOUGHT…WHAT IF YOU, YOUR WIFE, KIDS,DOG WERE IN A SIMILAR SITUATION AND YOU OR THEY HAD TO WATCH A GUY FILMING AND YELLING SHIT AT THEM WHILE THEY DROWN. I REALLY HOPE YOU GET YOUR DUELY DESERVED KARMA AND SOON.”

Willem had responded with the very prosaic, “I’m about 100m up the beach zoomed in and besides that I’m 180kg (four hundred pounds) and very unfit, we both would of drowned. I’m trying to lose weight at the moment just in case something like this happens again and I can help.”

Others supported his decision to stay dry.

“Good on ya dog, is no use two of yahs in the flatly hole.”

“Absolutely right there bro ya got to be fit and have experience in the sea to pull something like that off one lucky dude.”

“Smart move knowing your abilities and not going in mate. Too many blokes end up dead trying to help a situation above their capability.”

“Some people don’t realise how difficult it is to swim in the ocean. Add on the fact of trying to save another person who is in distress. Well done to the guy who jumped in.”

Your response?

VAL wrapped around a pylon, he ain’t too far out.

Stay or go?

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