Master troll Kelly Slater swings hard at Oasis catching die-hard music fans by surprise.
After a self-imposed social media exile totalling five months (see: “Kelly Slater puts Greek foil boarder to the sword over incorrect caption in wild online debate” from February), the greatest surfer ever has emerged online to launch a broadside at Brit icons Oasis.
Oasis, of course, was the Manchester outfit formed in 1991 and headed by the Gallagher brothers Liam and Noel. Liam, pretty as a peach, hung off the microphone while Noel strummed a semi-acoustic guitar and wrote catchy Beatle-esque songs.
Both appeared to be cunts most of the time, to use the British vernacular.
Their first two albums Definitely Maybe (1994) and (What’s the Story) Morning Glory (1995) defined a generation, as they say. Go to an aged person’s birthday party and Wonderwall and Don’t Look Back in Anger are still getting the over-45s all riled up.
Now, following the posting of a live performance of Oasis on Instagram on an obscure pop art account, Kelly Slater has launched an attack on the band that has music aficionados furiously popping fingers on keyboards.
Kelly Slater writes:
“You mean to post Nirvana ‘spells (sic) like teen spirit’, right? Then Pearl Jam ‘Ten’. Oasis wasn’t life changing whatsoever for anyone I knew but those guys were. Liam Gallagher just used to get drunk and miss concerts.”
Music fans, apoplectic.
“This thread perfectly demonstrates how the average music listener views art as competition. There’s no need to compare them to the Beatles or list bands that were better in your opinion… they did their thing, brought a lot of joy to people, and their songs continue to be relevant.”
“Rare miss on that take homie.”
“Woaaah terrible take.”
“What position do you imagine you hold to say that they weren’t life changing for anyone? Maybe not for you but a quarter of a million people who met in one space to see them at Knebworth would probably disagree. It’s obviously fine to hold an opinion on a subjective art form, but don’t project your opinions on to other people or state them as facts, because they’re not.”
“Nirvana is ok and Pearl Jam sucks. Oasis rules. I’m American.”
“Fuck off yank.”
After one commenter correctly pointed out that “Kurt Cobain didn’t show up for many concerts either did he?” Slater delivers his trademark coup de grâce.
“Good point. Probably didn’t. But Nirvana (shits emoji) on Oasis.”
On and on, as you can imagine.
The owner of the page wrapped up the debate thus:
“Can’t believe how much this Reel has riled people up. I get it Oasis we’re not everyone’s cup of tea but you cannot deny that them along with Blur, Pulp, the Verve, Radiohead etc ruled the 90s mainstream music scene in Britain. For me they were the 1st band that I was obsessed with followed by many others. They put me onto The Beatles, The Rolling stones, Stone Roses. They made me realise how much I loved music. I’m now lucky enough to say that I love all genres of music. I would struggle not to find a song I liked no matter the genre. Genre phobes are seriously missing out on so much good music man. Just drop the ego and let the soul like what resonates with it. Music is supposed to bring people together not make them fight over who is right when in fact none of you’s are right. You just like what you like and that’s that. Anyways chill out and spread the love.”
I believe in absolutes and have always counted Pearl Jam fans as suspect morally and prone to the sort of dark sexual deviancies practised by Republicans and not the joyfully out and wanton behaviour of the left.
Nirvana, very good, howevs.
